Butt Drop

Remember when all you had to do to be SEXY was roll out of the bed in the morning and...BAM...SEXY! Now, if that was this morning for you, you lucky bitch, enjoy it while it last and by all means, take any and every measure possible to maintain it. But for the rest of us...the boobs are starting to sag a little (which can easily be fixed with a little out patient surgery *wink, wink*) and we are starting to experience what I like to call Butt Drop. Butt Drop is exactly what it sounds like! It's when that firm, round bootie, that once sat up sexy in any pair of jeans you bought, now sags as if at any second it could just fall right off your back. If you require a pair of stretch denim jeans that you have to bend and squat into in order to give your behind the appearance of a flattering bootie...sigh...you my dear are suffering from Butt Drop.

The only help for Butt Drop is exercise and not just any exercise...nooooo...I'm talking squats, lunges, walking lunges and a variety of exercises that I don't know the name for but am subjected to by Julian every other day. So, as I lay there with my back on the mat, feet planted firmly on the floor shoulder width apart, thrusting my pelvis toward the ceiling trying hard not to let my butt touch the ground out of fear of hearing Julian say "ten more", I'm thinking "My ass is gonna look sooo good in those jeans." I swear some days I can see my butt lifting...fighting to break free from the clutches of Butt Drop. Ha! Ha! Ha! Take that Granny Panties!!!

We've been working out for three weeks and I was standing in the mirror admiring the improvement in my behind when in walks my husband of eight years, who never notices any changes...I dyed my hair from dark brown to bright auburn and after two weeks he said "did you get a hair cut?" I kinda held my breath hoping he noticed the change. He walk right past me and into the bathroom. Not a word spoken. Asshole. I rolled my eyes and continued to examine my new body...maybe I was just imaging the difference. Out comes my husband and this time he looks right at my bootie and smiles, "that butt's looking good!!!" and with that he slapped me on the ass and went on about his business...Priceless.

Bringing Sexy Back...Maybe

Another birthday, another year older...and in my case fatter, but NO MORE!!! I know what you are thinking, every fat ass who looks in the mirror or goes shopping and sees their oversized behind busting out a pair of stretch denim jeans says that...and you are right...but not this time. (and I can feel your eyes rolling...just so you know). I am officially on a quest. The quest to "Bring Sexy Back" and I have finally acquired something that every dietary questor needs...a buddy. To save her from the embarrassment that is surely to accompany this blog, I'll call her Sunny. Sunny and I have agreed to work diligently on our goal to rescue the sexy body that we have encased in layers of blubber. We have chosen two different diet plans, but are on the same exercise plan and this blog will catalog our adventures at the gym. Hope you enjoy our pain.